Below is a transcript of the episode as generated by Otter.ai. (*please note, this transcript has only been edited to put in line breaks for easier readability and may contain errors where a word or phrase got lost in transcription.)

[0:13] Introduction to Episode

Aloha and welcome to Your Heart magic an illuminating space where psychology spirituality and heart wisdom meet. Here's your host, Dr. BethAnne Kapansky. Wright, the clinical psychologist with a mystic mind.

Aloha everyone, this is Dr. BethAnne Kapansky. Wright, and welcome to Your Heart magic. We are doing our 10th Episode Today, I'm so excited. Thank you for being part of this community. It's super fun to hit the double digits with podcasting episode. So I'm very grateful that you were here, and part of the audience and lending your heart and energy and presence to this podcast. For this week, our topic is maintaining balance and transforming times. And when I did last week's topic, which was navigating and change, or chaos and challenge, and I kind of opened up to what wants to be presented next week. This was the title and the theme that came through.

And one of the ideas around that is last week, we were really talking about the idea of how do we navigate right now in the collective energy that can feel a little bit crazy, there is a lot going on. And we talked about how to know our role and find our balance and really do the whole not my monkeys not my circus thing. And no like what am I meant to be a participant in this and when am I meant to be an observer and take a backseat or just take my hands off of it and say this isn't mine. I can't micromanage this. And during that episode, I had shared that the Akashic records when I open them at the end of 2020, for the imagery that wanted to come through for the year 2021.

And the energy of that year, I really saw this, almost like a division happening, where some people were actively choosing to kind of be picked up with eagles. This is just a metaphor, but it's how the energy came through. And move to more of a mountaintop experience, where they were breathing and clear air and fresher energy and really trying to find higher perspective. And that is representative of anyone who is really trying to do their self work to stay in a space of trusting their spiritual connection, trusting their heart. When wounds are showing up in your life, you're doing what you can to transform the pain and turn it into growth. And it was really just representative of not falling into fear.

And the other image I was showing was this big, old polluted, dirty stream that represented fear based consciousness is the words that came through and kind of this mass consciousness around constantly feeling the sky is falling and suspicion and paranoia and mistrust. And all those things that are really not about Living from the heart. Those are not heart-based messages. They're not spirit-based messages. They are messages rooted in fear or hate or some form of division.

And so I'd seen this image and saw that this higher way of being is available to everyone. And this was not meant to be some instant thing like either you're picked up with the eagle and deposited or you're not and you're you know, stuck in the muddy stream. That's not how it works. It was more this metaphor for if you want to reach right now, for the higher way of being and you want the growth, it is there for you. And if you do not want the growth, and you are consistently choosing to make choices, to continue to stay in a place of fear based thinking, judgmental, thinking, keeping your heart closed, not just to humanity, but if our heart is close to humanity, that it's close to parts of ourself. There's a lot of truth and the more peace that we are able to bring into the world it really is a reflection of the peace and the peaceful energy that we've created inside of ourselves.

So this work begins in us and this work begins and being able to come into wholeness and harmony within ourselves and come into balance within ourselves and to when we have divisions inside of ourselves. Just figuring out what we need to do to build a bridge to them. So that is kind of an overview of the energy that we've been working with. And last week, we talked about this idea of how do we handle all this stuff going on in the collective.

[5:14] The Challenge of Maintaining Peace During Times of Struggle

And I wanted to take that a step further this week and talk more about what if it is showing up in your life, like, what if you are the one that is going through transformation, what if chaos and challenge is showing up in your world and you're going through a breakup or a divorce or something legally, something in your family system, something with children, something with health concerns, something happening at work, there are many ways that challenges present themselves in our lives.

And when this happens, if you are able to stay up on that mountain top the entire time, and never dip into that polluted stream of having fear and having all of that, please tell me who you are, and what your secret is. And if you are, you know, have like dedicated your life to a monastery and meditating on inner peace or something like that. Because most of us are not able to do that all the time. That's really where our spiritual work is, it is when this stuff shows up. And we ourselves start to plunge into, like, what's going to happen and, you know, start to plunge into the state of disarray, and we have this disruption and our inner peace, you know, that's really where like, the gritty gold is found in doing our inner work and in doing our spiritual and transformation work.

So it's not a realistic expectation, to expect ourselves to move through everything, with complete serenity. I love the visualization of that. And I love the idea of in each day, really invoking that that kind of serenity prayer where they talk about God grant me, you know, whatever it is that the grace to accept what I can, what I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. I love the idea of invoking that kind of serene energy. And I certainly love times in life, where it is more serene. And so we can just be in this place of well, I'm doing really well right now. And all systems are kind of up and running.

But often, stuff is happening, you know, we're here to engage in the world, we're here to have our own growth and experiences as a soul. And we're here to learn from each other, and be in relationship with each other, and learn about our individuality and our unique boundaries and our unique lessons through being in relationship with others. Relationships are mirrors, they reflect things back to us. We're here for all of that. And we are here living on planet Earth, which is subject to the laws of nature. And the natural world has a lot of laws. And some of those laws have to do with having a certain order to things and nature transforms, she has seasons, she can go through a lot of chaos and destruction and things that happen within the natural system itself as an attempt to write itself or to evolve or grow.

So we're living on this creative planet, with all this possibility for creative change. And it's inevitable that we are going to go through those things ourselves. And it serves us to develop perspectives that help us figure out how do I find my balance when stuff and my life is shifting all around me. And I feel really out of balance, I feel out of harmony? How do I find things to anchor me on to find good, grounded psychological perspective, and healthy spiritual perspective. So I feel equipped to navigate this with a little bit more serenity in my heart. And that's the kind of things that we're looking at today. And we're kind of already entered this conversation just from what I've already said.
 
[9:23] The Rate Information Travels & How It Impacts Us

The first thing though, that I want to, I guess point one today is that we cannot separate ourselves out of what is happening in the collective and I actually opened the Akashic records on this topic. I was curious to see what would come through. And one of the things in the records that I thought was really interesting, is they said that collectively, it seems to a lot of people like time is speeding up. And I've heard a lot of people say it's like life is happening so fast these days. And the records themselves said a lot of what that has to do with Is that the flow of information has really outpaced our brain and our system's ability to process it. information travels at an instant rate right now. And we often say things like, it just seems like one thing is going wrong over here, and then the next catastrophes heading over here. And there might be some truth in that there's certainly a lot of shifts happening in our world. But there is also instant information.

So the minute something is happening, now it is being shared or posted in some capacity. And this isn't just happening through new sources. This is happening through social media, this is happening through, you know, basically, anytime we use our phone to transmit information to somebody else, this could be happening over tech, something happens and you're immediately texting somebody saying I'm having an emergency this is going on. And they tell the people that they're sitting with oh my gosh, so and so's at the hospital, because, you know, their kid fell and split their knee open. And at the same time, somebody in that room was, let's say, simultaneously didn't have their phone away and happen to be scrolling and saw that some family member who lives in a different state has like x going on. And somebody else happened to hear that day on the news that over in some country that they don't even live in, like this natural disaster is happening, and they read this article, that is such a huge velocity of information all at once.

How in the world can we possibly process that? We can't? No wonder so many people have anxiety brain. And I don't mean, a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder, though, that's entirely possible to but anxious brain is more of a term that I kind of see in the collective where people are on edge. And it's like, what's gonna happen next? Oh, no, what now and it's almost like people are primed for expecting bad things to happen. And it's so hard for us to move from an anxiety brain into our heart, when we are constantly bombarded with information.

And so all those strategies that we talked about in last week's episode are beautiful ways to handle that kind of velocity of information, we need perspective for how to work with that. But it is unrealistic to think that as things aren't happening in the collective, that they don't have a ripple effect into our own lives. Because just because like you're doing your work to stay in your center doesn't necessarily mean the people around you are. So let's say something's happening economically, and the world is kind of panicking and freaking out right now. Um, it seems like there's a lot of that going on.

And you are in a, you're dating somebody, and they are in a place where they are, maybe they're in banking, they're a little bit more fear-based, they're a little bit more grounded to the earth, maybe they don't quite have the spiritual interests you do. They're an amazing person. But they can be a little bit more of a worrier. And so now they read what's happening in the news, and they start to really freak out about what's going to happen with their job. And let's say there's a general buzz in their bank. You can tell I'm not in the corporate world, in there, whatever that their business contacts and associates of are we going to be? Okay, well, we have jobs, will this affect us what's going to happen here. And so now they're in an anxious, dysregulated state.

And let's say that maybe there's a narrative there of security, and they become terrified somehow that they're going to lose their job, or something's going to happen financially. And so this creates this kind of domino effect, where now they're worried about their own money and the future. And so they decide to sort of do a pre emptive job search and start to brainstorm about ways to make money and whatever Fallout might happen from that. And so this is your, this person you're dating, and you show up to go on a date. And you say, how are you how was work today?

How do you think they especially if they're being honest with you, and you move past that stage where you're just putting your best foot forward, and you're being real? How do you think that velocity of information that has been creating that ripple effect and their life and their fear consciousness and their stuff around money and all of that. How do you think that might show up at the dinner? And might it be talked about, and might they present to you is anxious and worried. And now you're talking about this thing, that you actually worked really hard to do your work and your inner peace around, and you feel really good and you trust spirits, got your back with all of that stuff.

So you don't have those issues. But the person that you're dating, let's say, you really love them, they are freaked out. And they are dysregulated. And it is then showing up in your partnership. And maybe something happens where there starts being fights about it or miscommunications about it, or the two of you were planning a trip. And they say, Well, I don't want to take it now. Like, we shouldn't go, like we should stay close to home. And this becomes a thing because you really wanted to go on the trip, and now you're fighting.

[15:55] Understanding Our Individual Experience in Context of The Collective

So when we talk about this idea of things happening in the collective, we have to place it within the context that it might show up in our lives and directly. Not always. But there's always the possibility that it shows up in these indirect ways. And so we need to just have this really multi dimensional awareness of how these energies show up. And know that people in our lives that we care about, and we love and that we might be interacting with, are subject to all of the same stuff going on. And those things stand to sometimes bring some chaos or challenge into our world.

And so how do we find our balance and that, so it is relevant, and we can't break these things up, we have to look at it systemically, and like an ecosystem where it is connected, and see ourselves as part of the connection. So the first thing that I want to talk about for how do we find balance and all of this is I really feel that we are working on a paradigm shift at this time. And that there is an invitation from Spirit to shift our paradigm and how we think about change, and how we think about uncertainty. And it's quite interesting that there's like this old saying, like the only constant is change that's been around a long time. And everybody would agree that we are here to embrace change, and change, change, change all this stuff, new year, new me, you know, like we love like positive change. But people like when it really comes down to it, a lot of people like don't love change, and they can be pretty resistant to change, and resistant to uncertainty.

And so I think there must be some beliefs and fears around change and uncertainty. And I think there must be something that it taps into inside of us like when we feel uncertain, we don't feel very grounded often. And that feels dysregulated. Like, it kind of knocks us out of our sense of like equilibrium and being able to ground.

So I think change can be the scary concept for some people. And there can be an expectation that somehow like the worst is going to come or in the event of. And I really see that there has been this big invitation to shift the paradigm for how we think about concepts like change, and challenge, and really redefine those in a way that we bring more of a curious, adventurous, open hearted spirit to them, which is easier said than done. But it is absolutely where we need to be.

In order to effectively find balance within shifting energies and and transformative times. We need to be in a space of being able to stay open to what the change is, and be able to develop attitudes and perspectives that we trust our future self will figure it out, that we trust, spirit will have our back and help us navigate it that we trust, things are still moving in a direction that moves us towards wellness and wholeness even if it doesn't look like it. And the only way to really shift that paradigm is to root out the stuff that blocks our ability to truly believe those things.

Because often people would agree with the statements that I made many people would who are maybe spiritually growth-minded, and they might say all of that sounds really good. You know, I agree with you. And yet how many of us when change comes really are like, wow, this is so joyful, like something uncertain is going on. And uncertainty means that there's room for Creative Growth and room for evolution. I mean, it's really hard for us to do that. That's where many of us get tripped up.

[19:59] Shifting Our Paradigm of How We Process Change

So I think that the best way to shift the paradigm is to realize like what is keeping us stuck. And to really work with some of those core values that have to do with trust, and self trust. I love the idea of saying, I trust my future self to figure it out. I also deeply appreciate the affirmation of I trust my heart to heal what it needs to heal in my life, we often make the mistake of thinking that our mind is like the only tool that we have. And so our mind has to figure it out. And if our mind can't figure it out, that somehow we are lost and directionless.

And you actually have a lot more tools in your toolbox than that your heart is a much more powerful, attractor, resolver. Portal space of a magic than your mind is, your heart is so much more powerful than your mind. That is what this podcast is all about. This is heart based perspective, you have the capacity to rock your spiritual connection, that is a huge thing in your toolbox as well. And you have the capacity to change your mind. One of the beautiful things we know about the brain is that neuro elasticity exist, it means that our thoughts do not have to remain fixed and rigid. Our brain has the ability to create new neural pathways and new ways of thinking that support us and new ways of being.

So our mind actually can be this fantastic, imaginative, creative creature that helps us imagine a reality or an outcome or a solution that we can't quite imagine when we think our mind is our only tool. And if I don't problem solve this and have it equate in this moment, somehow there's no solution. So the first thing that I think we really need to keep doing is shifting our paradigm. And really learning from nature, nature is process oriented. Nature is cyclical, nature is seasonal, divine feminine wisdom is how some people might think about this.

And there's been a lot of buzz in spiritual circles about the Divine Feminine returning and the rising of the feminine. And all sorts of things out there about those kinds of energies, and divine feminine energy would say you do not have to have it figured out, you just have to mean trust that the process itself is bigger than you. And this process is leading you through something that is going to have a more healed and whole outcome than what you previously imagined. So there is a paradigm shift happening right now. And part of how we find balance is by learning how to shift our paradigm.

[23:05] Finding Anchors During Transition

Having said that, if we are in a state of change, and evolution, and flux, if we don't have something to anchor ourselves into, a lot of times we do feel untethered, and we do feel lost, and we can feel very ungrounded. So we need anchors that are fluid and flexible. So we have some sort of touchstone, or space to ground ourselves in.

And the way that I think about this is- if you're at all familiar with the Tarot Deck, there are two different cards, the Empress she's card number three, and the emperor that is card number four. And if you're not familiar, here's your quick tutorial. And the Empress card is all about the principles of the divine feminine, it is about creativity. It is about birthing something. Childbirth is messy, it is not a process that is super, there's a process to it. But it's not a process that you can impose structure on and say this is the only way that it can look and it needs to happen exactly like this. There's often a lot of chaos in the creative process.

And the creative process has this intuitive intelligence where the process itself holds the intelligence and it just guides and directs what wants to come through. So that's kind of what we were just talking about is shifting into that energy. But that doesn't mean that we cut out the Emperor and that is card four and the Tarot deck and the Emperor energy is about structure. It's about discipline. It is about four points of stability and how four points is stability. creates a really stable foundation or Cornerstone is something the Emperor card at its worst can be a dictator or feel very rigid or feel very confining, but at its best, it creates enough structure for that creative process to happen. Because if you can't take that beautiful, intuitive, creative chaos energy, and harness it and bring it into something grounded, often it doesn't have what it needs to alchemize and transform, and come into some sort of form, something has to be structured enough so that it can bring it into form.

So we need both of those energies working in tandem. And most of us are more used to like Emperor energy. That is how most western societies have been kind of the foundation of so many of them. It's the old structure, it's things needing to work a certain way. At its worst that energy looks like these are the dictates that you should live by in life. Here's the milestones and benchmarks you should be making by each age. This is how your life should look. And that's really confining to a lot of people, a lot of people have decided, just because my parents did it this way, and their parents did it this way, doesn't mean that's what I want for my life, I think I want to create something different.

So all this glorious, beautiful creative energy is coming through. And these systems are being challenged. And that's happening in multifaceted ways, which is fascinating to watch. For us personally, it means that we have to figure out how to take the best of that Emperor energy. The every tarot card would have a light side and a shadow side and the light side of the emperor is how do we organize and structure something so we can move the greater energy towards the greater good.

[26:56] Core Values as an Anchor

So when we talk about what do we anchor ourselves into, I think this is where our core values really come into play. And writing out like four core values, the way that this presents, in my mind is making a big square and thinking about what are four Cornerstone values that hold true for my life. I did this exercise earlier today. And mine are love, compassion, authenticity, and humility.

Those are four foundational things, that if I'm feeling really lost or chaotic, I'm able to bring myself back to a foundational place and just ask myself, Okay, well, how can I walk in love right now? How can I be authentic and figure out my truth in this situation? How can I be compassionate? And that needs to start with ourselves? Like, how can I be compassionate? Like if I feel like a hot mess? How can I bring the voice of compassion into myself? And how can I be humble? How can I use this chaos? That kind of reminds me I don't care who you are, you're not getting out of life unscathed. You don't have some paths to something.

If you have a spiritual gift, or some brand of wisdom, or you've studied psychology for 20 years, you know, you don't get a pass out of human stuff. We can always come back to a humble place and realize we are no more than or no less than, you know, anybody or anything else on the planet. We are all part of this interconnected ecosystem. So for me, those are four of my cornerstones. There's other values that I could have put down. Those are just ones I've been working with a long time that I strongly identify with. But yours might be light, or truth, they might be justice. You know, they might be freedom, whatever your values are.

And when I can bring myself to a place of coming into that structure and saying how am I anchoring myself to love right now. That helps me move through something because I can always come up with an answer to that. It's always going to be different. Love might be being really kind to myself and saying you just need a really human day go be a hot mess. Love might be you know what, I feel really stuck right now I feel like the most loving thing that I could do for myself is create some movement today.

So I'm going to go XYZ maybe I'll set up some tiny goals. maybe love is let's say I'm having a conflict with somebody, maybe the most loving thing I can do is just say I'm gonna like just give this a spirit right now and get the situation broth. And just ask that Spirit brings love and like there's no right answer to any of those. And so to me, that is how I conceptualize having a structure in my life. And there's certainly other things that give me structure from where I live to my home to my family and all of that.

But one of the things in my story that I've talked about quite a bit is how I made this huge change at midlife and moved to Hawaii back right when I turned 40. Interesting enough, right and right during my year of structure and stability, I took all this awesome Empress energy of Creativity and Change. And I literally was like, deconstructing my life and Alaska, and knocking down all these old structures with the intention of coming over to this place and constructing a new life. And I've said many times before that one of my tenants of self is: I am going here for reinvention.

So during this year of what potentially could have been a very stable year, I actually invited this very destabilizing energy into my life moves are inherently destabilizing, because it takes us a while to anchor into a new place. And any life change destabilizes us it's psychologically destabilizing. And when we're psychologically destabilized, we don't feel emotionally regulated. And that's usually when our stuff comes up. So I did it to myself.

And during that time, I didn't have a home, you know, I'm in a home now it is our home. But I was just we were renting. And there was some great things about where we rented and some not so great things. And we had a lot of issues the first year with the neighbors who lived upstairs and they didn't even know it, we got all the downstairs noise and some other stuff with the landlord and all these things that were out of our control. And it was really hard, because my home at that time was a temporary home. And it was not this safe space that I had total say and control over.

And things were shifting for me workwise things were shifting. In my relationship, we were both going through all this change all at once we were going through career changes and both kind of having our own version of adjustment disorder with mixed disturbance of conduct depression, anxiety, nos, like not otherwise specified, like we were having like all the adjustment disorders and our own way because it is big and hard to move. And so that's when I really learned that like all this old stuff that I've anchored myself to like I am a psychologist in private practice living in Anchorage, Alaska, these are my friends, this is my home. Like all of that just didn't exist. I had these echoes of it. But those were not good anchors.

So when we talk about creating an anchor, I suggest two levels of anchors. One you do need the daily grounded stuff like you need your favorite coffee mug. You know, maybe you need the places in nature that you go familiar people is helpful people can help us be like, oh, so familiar. I always felt better when I talked to so and so maybe you watch your favorite show or create some sort of a routine that feels like an anchor.

So I remember when I was going through my divorce in 2011, I thought of this as tiny anchors and I had my favorite coffee shop. And every day, I would go through my little coffee stand and I would get my got a mocha the time rice milk Mocha is what I liked. And I knew it was a really hard day I went through the same coffee stand twice in a day. You know, some days I was like, I need to go back to the coffee stand today I went to that coffee stand a lot!

But there was something about it. And I moved out of the home that had been the home I've been living in and moved into a new place. But I needed I chose to live close enough by that I was running like on the same trails that I was in the same place in nature, I didn't want to move to a different place in town. I was creating tiny anchors, something and the tangible realm to anchor myself in that transition that felt familiar with everything else in my life was changing. And I was going through a deep process and sort of this dis-identification, de-identification with I like who I no longer was, and I didn't know what I was growing into. So that's what I had at the time.

And we need that. And then we need the value system. That's really where our heart wisdom comes in. And our spiritual connection comes in. And so if our tiny anchor falls through and our coffee stand is closed, or it's snowing so hard, we can't go to our favorite park or a friend cancels on us whether or not available we have something to come into that's even deeper than that, that we can say, Well, I'm just at a loss today. I tried to do all this self-care and it's a fail. So how can I love myself in this moment? So that is an idea of what anchors look like from more of a tangible way to an intangible way.

[34:58] Self-Improvement Vs. Self-Exploration

The next point I want to make with maintaining balance is I actually kind of made my little talking points on my list in front of me. And here's what I wrote down. Self improvement versus self exploration. We are living in an interesting time, because like, if you go do a search on Instagram right now, and you hashtag growth mind set, or like abundance mindset, or something like that, I've not done this, so you can prove me wrong, maybe I'll prove myself wrong. But I have a feeling what you're going to get is a lot of posts from wellness, spiritual entrepreneurs, like graphics that say things like, it's not what happens to me that determines who I am. It's what I let it make me be or how I how I become, you know, sort of these like fluffy little sayings that some of them are awesome that sometimes we bookmark them and say- This is the message I needed today.

But there's been this thing with growth mindset that's really around. And it's a byproduct of, of a lot of different things. I'm seeing it in the wellness industry, I see it in positive psychology, and a lot of the literature that is coming out that is kind of under that umbrella of positive psychology, I see it a lot in coaching circles, where if something bad is happening, it's all about the growth mindset. You know, and I see it a lot in business circles, and business coaches and entrepreneurship, and I'm sure it exists beyond those spaces. But those are just the ways that I have encountered it in the last few years since I myself hopped onto these platforms and had to learn how to like do the social media dance and knew what a hashtag was.

And I've probably use growth mindset before. But it's an interesting concept because a growth mindset is the idea that we are not the some of what happens to us. It's all about finding the growth in it. And it's all about finding what we need to grow through it. And I agree with that.

I think that a growth mindset is a beautiful thing to have. I am pretty sure I've written poems that talk about the idea of taking whatever happens in our life, and using it for personal transformation. And using it the art of becoming, you know, my first poetry book that I wrote was called Cranberry Dusk, but the little subtitle it title is The Art of becoming. And it was a reflection of nature, poetry, and it was all about like my process of becoming, and I did have a growth mindset during that time.

And I really refused as I was going through some of the deepest and most painful lessons like post divorce, dating in my 30s, completely unprepared for that world really coming into my own as a woman into my spiritual gifts. A lot of stuff happened. Some of it was really hard. Some it was very traumatic. And I really kept coming back to the space of not giving up on myself and believing that I could learn and I could grow and wisdom from what happened.

So I am pro-growth mindset, however I think that if we growth mindset ourselves so much that we are always looking for how can I grow through this, that there is the risk of not allowing ourselves to be in a really messy moment where we feel stuck. We can't be growing all the time.

We can't always be consciously in a summer season and our life nature is not in a summer season in her entirety. You know, during the winter time, she is growing, but it's really about that quiet gestation period. And it's about nature receiving and resetting herself and whatever's needing to take place underground, so that she can grow and flourish and the spring. We talked earlier we're living on a natural planet. We're subject to those rules. So nature's not always in a summer season. The moon is not always in a full moon, at least that we can see from the naked eye from our vantage point. The ocean isn't always going wild and nuts for the tide is always in, life moves and ebbs and flows.

And we have to learn how to think about our own ebbs and not like beat ourselves up because we don't feel like we're growing enough during them. And I think that's the danger when we Eat, adopt this, I'm always growing must evolve my spine, the positive, and it's at the expense of everything else, there is value in the darkness, there's value when we're stuck. And we can't get ourselves out of being stuck. I hate that feeling. But there's been so much value in my life. When I've been in that stuck place, I've probably had the biggest growth when I've come out of it. And I've just kind of surrendered to gosh, I can't speed up this process right now I seem to be stuck in this really difficult space. And I guess whatever is going to come from it is going to come. You know, so there's value and being in that space. And I really love the idea of having more of a self exploration mindset, because self exploration really embraces the whole of who we are.

[40:52] Honoring All Parts of Ourselves

And self-exploration says if depression or sadness or stuckness shows up in our life, that in that moment, there's the invitation to explore, why is this showing up right now, I'm thinking of that poem. I don't have it in front of me, it's by Rumi, and it's called the guest house. And it kind of talks about how like all of our feelings are a guest that show up, and we can invite them into the guest house, and they all have something to teach us.

And psychologically, when you look at internal family systems, and this idea, if you've not heard of this really quick kind of overview, it's this idea that even though we are a whole person, we all have many aspects and parts of ourselves. I love the ideas behind this. This is by Richard Schwartz. And the idea is that maybe you are yes, you are you. But most of us can identify with having like a child state and I don't know an angsty adolescent, and different aspects of ourself that might get triggered or might come out in different situations. And I haven't studied ifs, like in depth where I feel equipped to give you the full one on one on it right now. I just know enough about it to say that I've really adopted the idea of it into my own thinking.

And I found it very constructive throughout the years, when I feel stuck to ask myself, well, what part of me feel stuck right now? And because it's usually not all of me. And so maybe what will come through is like, well, some part of me feels heartbroken or feels like absolutely discouraged. Some part of me feels extremely, like, nothing that I do is ever enough. And once again, x happened, whatever it is that triggered me to feel so stuck. Okay, great, because now I can work with that part of myself. Now I could have kind of like identified like, what's being triggered inside of me. And now I've got the space that I need to think about? How can I build a bridge that part of myself? Like, what does that part of myself need? I don't know, I'm making this up, you know, maybe I need to reach out to somebody and like, have a therapeutic dialogue, maybe I need to do some journaling.

I'm a big fan of writing a letter to my younger self and writing a letter to aspects of myself. I do this by kind of tapping into what I call my wisest self, my higher self, my voice of compassion. And if you have a hard time connecting with that, because you've not developed it for yourself, then think about the archetype of like a fairy godmother, or somebody who is often in like a movie, or a book will have like Dumbledore or Gandalf or somebody who is kind of this wizard Lee or wizard this, you know, sort of all knowing sort of Oracle of Delphi compassionate voice, and they give this individual who is struggling and lost this piece of wisdom. And it's kind and it's compassionate, and it might not be exactly what they want to hear. But there's something about it, that's really comforting.

So I've happened to that practice voice inside of myself. And I will write a letter and say something like you are so brave, for being willing to take this risk that you continually choose to live by your heart, and to say, yes, when the voice of life invites you to make these big changes and risk, I admire you for that. Can you tell I just wrote this letter to myself recently? That's not verbatim but I just practiced this the other week when I felt like I needed some TLC and encouragement. And I kind of realized like, nobody else was gonna say to me what I really needed to say it's not really their job to it's my job to work on that wholeness inside of myself. So I did this in my journal and I sat down and I wrote this like, dear younger self. And I am practice that that voice because I have converted a lot of it into poetry throughout the years. It's woven into my books.

So if you've never done that before, and it doesn't roll off, that's fine. But maybe take the idea of it and just think about like, what message just that part of yourself that stuck need to hear right now? You know, what do you wish, like the best friend? Or maybe you have a loved one who've passed on? Or you kind of sometimes it's like, we yearn for something, and we don't know what, well, what is that? And or, like, if spirit could descend to you, and an angel could tell you something? You know, what would they say? It's think about what you need to hear right now. I mean, a lot of times, it's so simple, it's like, I love you, you're gonna be okay, I still believe in you, you haven't gotten off track life is just hard. The messages are usually very simple.

So when we explore ourselves, it is an invitation to chase that feeling down and take it deeper, as opposed to saying, I feel bummed out today. And I don't want to so I'm gonna go do all these good things for myself and have a self-care day. There's nothing wrong with that, that actually might work.

I'm also a fan of turn that frown upside down. But if we can't shift the energy, and it shows up the next day, then it's helpful to be like, Well, hello there, Beth, and blue. Thinking about colors. Now. Here's this color, and my palette is very melancholy. What is the blue have to teach me to work with it through art, through writing through visualization. These are the ways that we explore ourselves. And it's why I'm such a big fan of any kind of work that invites us to engage with ourselves with self-discovery. All right, moving on.

So one more point that I wanted to talk to you today about maintaining balance and transformative times. And everything that I'm saying. Some of it might be familiar where you've heard it before, and it's a really good refresher, some of it might be presented in a slightly new way. All of this is there, the things that I do, that have helped me and they are hodgepodge together from personal experience, to things I've learned, as a psychologist and things that I've tapped into, to help me feel equipped to, to do my job. If I'm teaching it to somebody, I'm probably receiving from it myself, you know, I don't give to somebody and say, try this, if I haven't tried it, it's just not how I work.

And I'm really curious student I want to learn I want to grow, I want the growth myself. And I want the growth that comes from embracing all aspects of myself.
So everything I'm talking about is this compilation of that, and some of its Akashic wisdom and spiritual wisdom. And I've kind of alchemize to all of it into this podcast to create a dialogue around this is this is the paradigm that I think we need to find that balance. And so the last piece that I want to talk about is the idea of finding balance and our heart connection.

[48:28] Listening to Your Heart Intelligence

The whole idea behind this podcast, your heart magic is rooted in heart wisdom, and we're talking about heart wisdom, every single week with a different topic. And some weeks, they're a bit more psychological, some weeks, they're more spiritual, who knows what else is gonna come through, we're only on Episode 10, there's many more to come, I don't know, I'm excited to to figure it out. And to be a part of this.

But really, all of this is rooted in this idea of our heart holds this intelligence. And when we can tap into the intelligence in our heart, it helps us find a better way to live. Usually when we see something on, you know, so earlier, I kind of poked fun at hashtag growth mindset. I'm gonna go hashtag that for a week just to see what happens and follow that hashtag. But if for some reason you're scrolling, and some coach or somebody inspirational, post something, and it's like a little quote, and it like hits your heart and you're like, yes, that that is exactly what I needed today that lit me up. That's your heart intelligent saying, this line of thinking this thought is perspective. There is something here for you. We light up over those things because there's truth in them, and they might not be all-encompassing multi-dimensional truth that takes into account every eventuality all the time for anywhere.

You know, that's where some of that stuff falls short-- if we exclude a lot of other voices and ways of thinking, but if it lights you up, then there's an aspect of truth in it for you. And we've talked about the idea that you are creating a soul collage. As you go about your life, you are pulling pieces and to you, that resonate with your soul that reflect the truth of who you are, that reflect the truth of your purpose and what you are about in this world. So if something lights you up, and that is your heart wisdom, speaking to you, and when we can get into our heart wisdom, that is the best way to find balance, even when life is going on around us and is going through chaos.

Earlier, I mentioned my divorce. And I mentioned finding tiny anchors during that time. And I was not at the spiritual place during my divorce that I was now you know, that was back in 2011, when I was going through all of that. So I wouldn't expect myself to be that's part of my personal transformation. It's part of my story. But you know, part of the story behind my divorce, which I've lightly touched on, was really hearing this part of my heart feeling like some part of me was trapped. This voice in my soul that was rapidly outgrowing the life that I thought was my own, and that I had created for myself.

And this part of me is kind of what took charge back in 2011. And it's like she intuitively knew things that I didn't quite have conscious knowledge of, at the time, longer story for a different day. But you know, I've had the vantage point now of this all happening 12 years ago, and kind of seeing where my life might have gone and seeing what's happened since that time in my life. And I can very clearly see that this aspect of myself, was just able to see like, you will not find the growth here that you need to become the Batman that you are meant to become in this world to shine your light that unique way, you're not going to find it.

And at the time, that part of me kind of took over. And I say that part. because I mean, I really had a lot of work to do in the days to come. And I had a lot of work to do after the divorce and repeating and processing what just happened. And all of that is this huge part of my spiritual awakening and my story of how I really stepped into my spiritual gifts. And so I didn't have all those spiritual perspectives at the time, I didn't know what the hell was going on with me with a lot of these things.

But what I did have was this trust in something in my heart. And I remember being really attracted to the work of I'm gonna say it wrong. It looks like Ranier Rilke when I read it, and it's vernacular in English, I'm sure in German, it's like the Ranier Vilke or something like that R I L K E. And there is some quote that he wrote, and I think it's Letters to a Young Poet. And it is something about like being patient towards all that sits in salt in your heart, and that you have to learn to love the questions. And that is through just living life that you learn to answer those questions. That's how you find the answers is through living the questions.

And I really related to this idea of being patient towards all that was unanswered in my heart at the time. Even then, when I had no language for it. I didn't really have a great sense of heart wisdom. I don't know if I use that word. I was attracted to symbols of the heart, I was attracted to quotes about the heart, the idea that my heart knew something and was leading me towards something and was guiding me that existed in my consciousness at that time.

And so in days to come and months to come, no matter how lost, I felt, no matter how dysregulated I felt, if I could come back to my heart and say, Do I still feel like I did the right thing? The answer was always yes. Even if my mind was freaking out. The answer was always just, I could always feel this sense of resonance and rightness in my heart. And that is when I really started to learn to listen to my heart, and to trust its wisdom and to believe that something was happening inside of me, on a heart base level and on a deeper level.

So no matter what else, when we can anchor into our hearts, and we can just ask what does my heart want me to know today? And usually the wisdom is very simple. But if we can get into that space and find that resonance and that coherence in our heart, that becomes our touchstone. It becomes our way that we anchor ourselves into the heart when everything around us is shifting.

And so to me that kind of the aspect that brings all of these ideas together, is how do you get into your heart? And how do you let that wisdom and form your life? How does your informed heart help you live in a way that even if your mind is freaking out, and the energy around you is changing, your heart says, just stay with yourself, you're good. Maybe your heart says I just need rest right now. Just be really still in quiet. It's your heart, I cannot tell you what it is going to say to you. But here's what I can tell you. This is such a nice segue into what we're going to talk about next week.

[55:38] Coming Up Next Week

Next week, our topic is Things Your Heart Wants you to know. I have no idea what that is. I think I have been sharing at the end of each podcast the way that I am coming up with the topics, it's not a lot of thought, I will usually put my hand on my heart. And when I sit down to create these episodes, sometimes I open the Akashic records. Sometimes I just sort of allow whatever wants to be shared to flow through me. And I will always ask what's next for next week. And that's usually when the episode title presents itself. And that was the wording because at first I kind of was like, oh, like I could feel it when it was meant to be like about talking about your heart. 

And I was going to call it like the heart is a portal or like how to rock your heart wisdom or something like that. And that's how it came through things your heart wants you to know. So I'm going to find out with you what that means. I have a few ideas. But I don't know how those will structure themselves or exactly what talking points they'll make. So let's all stay open and curious. And we will tune in to what our hearts want us to know next week, and see whatever heart magic wants to present itself. With that. Thank you so much for joining me in today's 10th episode. Yay. And I will be back next week with episode 11.
 
In the meantime, have a beautiful week. And until next time, be well. Be Love, be you and be magic.