Below is a transcript of the episode as generated by Otter.ai. (*please note, this transcript has only been edited to put in line breaks for easier readability and may contain errors where a word or phrase got lost in transcription.)

[0:35] Introduction to Episode

Aloha everybody. Welcome to Your Heart magic. This is Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright, and we are talking about empowering the Empress on today's podcast. We've been doing a really fun series every other week called archetypes of the Tarot where we have been diving into each of the Major Arcana cards and relating to them as an archetype that helps us understand an aspect of human experience that we can all relate to.

That's what an archetype is, it is kind of this prototype, this avatar that holds these qualities and attributes that would be typical of that particular prototype archetype category. And we are looking at not only what do they mean, but how do they apply to us. And that is what I love about the idea of archetypes and tapping into these aspects to help support us on our own journey.

Sometimes, it's easy for us to relate to certain ones, rather than the others that's really normal based on who we are and our personality. There's always attributes and experiences on the human journey that we have inclinations towards, and things that we might not just is so different depending on who we are. But I really love the idea of saying whether or not you have a natural tendency towards something, you still have it in you.

These archetypes still reflect back something that you can connect with on your journey, or that you can connect with through maybe seeing them in your relationships or other people in your life. But as I said, more importantly, I think they help us go within and understand our fullness, and our potential.

[2:34] Understanding The Empress Archetype

So today we have moved on to the Empress from the High Priestess and she's so fun. The Empress just makes me smile. I'm smiling over here just thinking about it. It was so joyful to sit down today and jot down some ideas that I wanted to share with everybody of perspectives on the Empress because she is an archetype that represents like abundance and creativity, fertility, she is kind of the goddess see Divine Feminine Earth Mother of the Tarot deck.

And when I was first learning to work with the cards whenever I would get her in one of my readings, it always represented to me something positive, something creative, something good. Just something that felt really joyful and delightful. So that is what we're going to be looking at a little bit more and I thought that I would open up today with a poem that I wrote that's actually called the Empress it was inspired by her.

It is from my book, things of that nature words for the mystic heart, and it is simply called Empress:

Empress Earth Mother, the divine feminine 78 cards and the Tarot deck and only one the giver of life. Each time I turned her over, I stretch out my heart. Reach forth and see the love and the face of a creased old friend.

She makes me think about what it would be to twine butterflies through my hair. Soar high into the sky. transcend the lines keeping us in the space. Learn that the secret to flying is found when we yield, contract, shrink turn in.

So we can spend cocoons of shadow selves and seek our dark moon space. Then emerged with the light when day breaks from night taking flight towards the bright on new wings of truth and grace.

She tells me to shrug off the world as I knew it, to lay down my armor and layers and shields to sit naked and her gaze to go to the sacred in nature. To talk to the river to sit by the trees and realize repurpose claim my life given love driven soul dwelling place 78 cards and the Tarot deck and only one the giver of life.

The Empress she smiles with knowing eyes, and archetype of abundance matriarchy wise, she reminds me to gently spiral within, run free with the wind. learn the secrets of wing and hoof and fin to trust myself down to my heart depths inside, that there awaits my divine.

I think that the Empress is a wonderful archetype to help us connect to not only our spiritual connection, our innate connection to all that is, but to really see ourselves in the role as these beings who hold the capacity to be abundant, to be creative, to be life giving to a

lchemize, the ingredients that life brings us and create something out of them, too. Find a wisdom that supersedes what's happening on the surface. And tap into that wisdom to look beyond what we can see with our naked gaze. And really feel into the intuitive sensory perceiving qualities that we might use with the intuitive mind. To really get a clearer sense of something that's going on in our life.

The Empress knows there's always more to things than meet the eyes, and she sees things from a more holistic point of view.

[6:46] The Empress Helps Us Honor All Cycles

So the Empress is an archetype who, instead of looking at something like let's say that if you didn't know anything about the seasons, and you just were deposited into a beautiful fall scene, and we're staring in awe at these beautiful leaves on a tree around you. And let's say this is a beautiful, we'll go with red leafs, we don't have red leafs in Kauai, I miss them, we didn't really have them when I lived in Alaska either.

But that in my mind kind of symbolizes, I think some of the most beautiful qualities and follows these brilliant red leaves. And you're staring at this tree. And maybe it's just filled with red leaves. And let's say this gust of wind just comes sweeping along and it blows almost all of them off. And in a blink of an eye, you went from being able to gaze at this thing of absolute beauty, this architecture of you know, rich ruby red color. And now it's just gone, it's down on the ground.

And the trees kind of sad, it's got bare mahogany branches. Not a lot, maybe there's one or two small sad leaves just kind of hanging from it trying to hang on, not ready to quite let go. And you didn't understand the context of the season, she didn't understand that leaves can't stay read forever, that at some point, the elements will come along, they will blow them off, they have to return to the ground, that there's a composting that goes on when leaves come back to the ground, that there are creatures and animals and things that get nourishment, the soil from what has just fallen, that all of that gets recycled.

During the winter months, when we go into this gestation period, nature goes into this gestation period. And it looks like nothing is happening on the surface and a typical environment that might get cold or snow or the ground would freeze over. And you wouldn't know that all of that gets kind of marinated into the soil and that it is life giving that this composting and this decay going on eventually feeds and will spark what will at some point become the fresh vibes of spring, the trees ability to keep growing and to receive nourishment.

So it can have fresh healthy limbs with beautiful green leaves on it. And if you didn't know and you just looked at the isolated incident without the greater context of the bigger cycle. You might feel really sad about the red leaves and it's okay to feel sad if you live in a fall environment and you're not quite ready for winter yet. I feel you I was in Alaska a long time. I hope for all of you that are having a beautiful fall that it just lasts as long as it possibly can.

But it's okay to feel sad about that. But we have to understand our lives in this greater context.

And the Empress would have that knowledge she knows how to honor Under each cycle of life, she knows how to be in the moment and appreciate those red leaf moments when they are with us. She knows how to appreciate the wind that comes along, and the fall of the leaves, she knows how to appreciate the composting and the decaying, and the RE nourishment of soil that might be going on behind the scenes that we can't see with the naked eye. But it doesn't mean it's happening.

She knows how to think and to perceive things holistically. And to know that at some point, new life will arise out of that again. And I think in a very like psychological way, to me, that is what's so beautiful about the Emperor. So if we want to go deep with her, she really helps us appreciate the life cycles and to see the life cycles in our own life. And that actually brings me to the first point I wrote down to share today about ways that we can understand the and persists wisdom and tap into that wisdom for yourself.

[11:06] Bearing Witness To Our Own Cycles

And the first one was, she helps us bear witness to our own cycles. So as we were just talking about, one of the key components of Empress energy is understanding things from a cyclical point of view. And I think so often, we struggle to either just be in the moment, with an experience, sometimes we it's really easy to get ahead of ourselves.

And to really wish that we were further along than we are, it's easy for us to look back, and to sometimes want to live in the past or go curl up in a moment of nostalgia and go back to some golden days or something that we think are better than these days. And I think that those feelings that we have of yearning, of missing of reaching of wanting a dream to come to fruition of feeling angsty, maybe because we are in a last moment, and we kind of want to be anywhere, but where we're at in that moment.

Those moments of gratitude, where something amazing or beautiful is happening. And we think oh my gosh, I wish I could just hang on to this, and kind of tuck it into this jewelry box of my heart and go back to this moment whenever I need to remember how this feels because this feeling is amazing.

She helps us bear witness to all of that. And she helps us see that all of those feeling states and experience states, as humans are just part of our holistic development. They're part of our souls journey, they're not better than or worse, then we can enjoy feeling some of those things more so than others.

We can say, I much rather like being grateful in a moment, I love the good days, I love to look back on a memory and think gosh, that was a good time. But you know what I love where I'm at right now. And I wouldn't trade this for anything. Like we can love having that attitude, more than we might have the attitude where we are experiencing like, this blows right now. And I don't want to be here.

And I can't believe this happened or I just want to go back to how things were or whatever feeling state it is that we somehow think is not very preferable in the moment. And so we're kind of angsty and unhappy about it. So we can certainly appreciate that there are times that we connect better with what we're feeling, and it's a more pleasant thing to feel.

But the Empress is not about saying I like to feel this way better than this way. Or my preference is she is about learning to bear witness to all of it. And to honor all of those as valid aspects of the human journey. There's something very sacred and the gaze of the Empress because she is able to look at something that seems mundane, or
maybe even kind of ugly, are something that is a darker or non profitable experience that we might have.

And she is so good at seeing how that somehow is nourishing our life, or teaching us something or helping our soul grow. She can help us find that higher wisdom and see things from a higher perspective. And so often when I'm thinking about the Empress, I really connect this to the idea of connecting with my wise being.

And this is what I call the part of ourselves that is wise. That kind of has this immortal, eternal type wisdom, the part of ourselves that is able to see things from a higher perspective, the part of ourselves that has a long view.

This is the part of our ourselves that if we can get into our heart, and just calm down and take a deep breath and ask our heart, what do I need to know right now, for whatever it is this issue or just for my day, right now, a lot of times we'll get this very simple heart wisdom that comes through, like just breathe, or it's going to be okay, or just figure out your next step. And our wise being knows what the next step is.

We talked last time we were doing the archetypes about how the High Priestess really is also connected to our wisdom, and that the High Priestess is connected to rites of passage and our lives and understanding inner transformation and understanding how we go through these transformative experiences in our life and how that grows us and opens us up spiritually.

And so the Empress is more of an integrated, integrated sense of that knowledge and the Empress has like the celebratory vibes, I feel like the High Priestess can feel very mysterious, she can feel kind of heavy, she can feel a little bit dark to me because she is not afraid of the darkness. And I feel like the Empress is like this return to the light and the celebration of light, and the celebration of life.

And she is the knowledge that after any death after any passing something new will resurrect itself into some form. And she is kind of the embodiment and the empowerment of that idea. So she helps us bear witness to our own cycles. And I was thinking today about a good illustration that I could share from my own life that maybe would help kind of connect us to the Empress. And what came through was a little bit unexpected.

[16:49] Story Time: The Kauai Marathon

So last weekend on I ran the Kauai marathon. And it's the fourth time that I've done this race, I done it, I think since 2017, when we moved here. And we miss two years because of COVID. One year in 2019, we both had something happening injury wise where we were kind of both taken me and my husband out of the race and running, it wasn't an option. So I've run it 2017 2018 and then 2022 and 2023. And last weekend as I was running, I was thinking about the Empress.

And it's probably because the day before I made the last podcast and I audio that and I knew that we were going to be talking about the Emperor's this week. And I thought how does the Empress relate to this idea of running this race. And I kind of opened myself up because I knew I was going to be out in the course for a really long time. And even though I was going to be sweating and suffering a little bit, I also know that when I run that, that is this like very fertile place in my mind where ideas and inspiration can come through.

And perhaps some people might call that endorphins. Maybe there's a little bit of that. But what I can say is that there's something very meditative about running for me. And it's almost like going into a different zone sometimes. And I feel like these things will come through in terms of inspiration and ideas, and spiritual messages, insights, that are really invaluable. And I don't know that I access it any other way than through this act of running.

So I was thinking about how the entire race itself to me really represents the Empress archetype. And that's kind of a strange archetype to think of, you know, with a running like that you might think about the chariot archetype, the chariot and the deck is really about like willpower and drive and reining in opposing forces to like secure victory, you might think about the sun, which is also a card and the deck about like success and victory and overcoming and all this bright energy.

But for me, when I do this race, I really think of it is a rite of passage, that it is kind of this almost ceremonial, in a sense for myself, where I feel like it's an initiation every year that represents the end of summer. It represents moving into a another year on the island. When I first ran it in 2017, I think we'd only been living here about maybe a month and a half or something like that. We hadn't been here that long.

And so I remember very vividly that first race having the sense of feeling like this was this rite of passage, like from my Alaska life, you know, into my time on kawaii and that I was kind of shutting some of the stuff that some of the stressors that it took to get over here and that I was really kind of not only Running, not running away from, but leaving behind the things that I was ready to release and running towards what I was ready to step into.

And so there's something about it that feels kind of sacred to me, which is wrapped up in this bigger athletic events that's happening for, you know, all these individuals who are out there for their own reason doing it.


So as we as we began the race, you know, I'm on my rite of passage, where I'm thinking about, alright, like, this is the fourth time where am I at? And I spent some time during those first six, seven miles they take you from point pu is where the start is, it takes you up this tree tunnel. And usually, like, that's the time that I think about, like, Where were you last year running this? Where are you now?

Sometimes I'll think about what are you leaving behind? Like, what are you running into? And all of this is just mixed with normal experiences of noticing other runners and kind of checking in with myself and noticing how I feel? Do I feel like I have a lot of fire that day? Do I feel tired already, that's never a good sign.

You know, I always have a little bit of a sense of Sir reality to it, where there's like, okay, like, you're really doing this, like, you're gonna be out here on this course for the next few hours, like it's actually happening, you know, and the race itself is, it's a little bit surreal, we got up at 3:15am, to leave our house around for something.

So we could be there a little bit after five, it's over an hour drive, you know, and you're in the dark getting ready. And there's all these runners and you're trying to do these last minute preparations. And before you know it, it's almost 6am. And everybody's being herded in this mass start to the start line. And there's runners from all over who come and do it, there's a half marathon that goes on at the same time, we both start at the same time.

So there's just like this massive people, and they do a traditional Hawaiian blessing and play music and do you know sort of the ceremony before and then the national anthem, and so there's all these pieces, you know, and that, like you're in reverence for that. And you know, you're supposed to be respectful in silence and all those things that you would want to do.

And then once that's done, the loudspeakers come back on. And usually they're playing like, I have the tiger all this pump me up music, there is this strange duck to juxtaposition of energies happening that, again, it's very surreal. And then all of a sudden, like, you're off and you're doing it. And you know, you're you're on this thing.

So I was thinking about the Empress, like I said, doing this thing and this rite of passage, you know, and then for me, what usually happens is, I will, right around mile 11, is where there's this turn off, and you go to the right, if you're doing the full marathon, you go to the left, if you're doing the half, which more people tend to do.

[23:07] Rites of Passage, Digging Deep

And I always have this sense of like, one kind of being like, it'd be really nice just to take a left this year, and be done with this, you know, but also have this sense of like, This is it BethAnne, like you, this is where the race like really starts for you. Because this is when you're really going to have to start digging into yourself, because there's a lot of hills coming up.

It's a very hard course. Probably one of the hardest, I think the hardest one that I've ever done. In my when I say career as a distance runner, I mean, like, age group or career, you know, I've done a lot of distance races, I'm certainly not super fast at it. It's just something that I like to do. And I've been doing it for over a decade now. And I know that that's probably when the suffering is going to start is somewhere between mile 11. And you come back the same way that you go out. And so by the time you come back, you're on mile 23.

And I was like, Okay, there's a lot of ground to go cover. And there's these moments of doing it where I'm just like so in awe of the island. They have dancers come out who do the hula, there's people drumming, they do an amazing job putting on the race and bringing in aspects of the Hawaiian culture that are on the course there are these like really big hearted volunteers running aid stations, cheering you on.

There's families who live in the area who will come pull a lawn chair out and be out there watching and cheering and I really try and be in a space of just appreciating the sheer amount of people who come together to make this event happen. And I'm doing that even as I'm just trying to focus on what I need to do for my race and what I need to do in order to keep going and kind of checking in To my body and tuning into myself and making sure I'm throwing in a gummy, you know, every 30 minutes and taking in water when I get to the age station.

And for me this year, there's always kind of that point where you know that you might hit a wall or things could get really hard. And the hope always is, is that even though that's coming, that it never gets too bad, this this was a tough year I fell apart right around mile 19.

And started to have a really bad stitch. In my side, I've got some vocal cord dysfunction. That is an issue has been a long time when I've done these things, I just have to take it into account and sometimes slow down and make sure that I'm breathing so that I don't just go into some sort of episode with that and start having a breathing attack and freak out everybody around me because it's really scary sounding.

And it was definitely a point from like mile 19 Through just about 26. I think it was like the last point two miles that I finally eased up and I could see the finish line, you know, that I was definitely paying the price and letting the I'll say the marathon exactly the price that it was going to take for me this year in order to get to the finish.

And there was a lot of physical suffering that went on in that time. But I've done enough of these that I was like, Okay, you can't run fast right now, you can't run particularly well. But when you're able to like run, even if it's badly like you're here to run, so you're doing a sad shuffle, run along, you know, in some kind of running along, and I never, never did not think about the Empress during this, like she was always mixed up somewhere in my mind. And I'm going somewhere with this.

So stay with me on the story. And I finally got to really close to where I was about two miles out from the finish line, it was really hot by then, it was a over a four hour marathon for me closer to I think 440 this year. And I was really, really starting to burn. And there is no shade, you're out there on the hot pavement. You were just I was just kind of miserable. And knowing that what was coming was going to be worth it. But also wanting to be anywhere but here in that moment and thinking oh my gosh, I wish I could have like a bolt of energy that helped me get there faster.

And it never came, I was just doing good to hang on and run and to sweat and burn and hope that I didn't get burned too badly. And you know, finally you see the finish line and people are cheering you on and you cross and I was kind of a miserable heat for a little bit just trying to recover get water in my husband's much faster than I am he was in there, I think almost a full hour sooner than I was and had a really great time for him.

So he was waiting for me. We had other friends there who ran it with us. And you know, kind of start to go into post race recovery, and really start to absorb. Okay, like you're done for this year. And let that sense of satisfaction began to come in.

And I always think the end of the ceremony is not just crossing the finish line. It is walking back to the car afterwards, because of course we were parked I don't know, like a mile away or something not by the end. So you're walking back and these feet that are beat up and I've got a couple of toenails falling off and it's still hot out. It's just got hotter.

And then there's an hour drive, if not more to get back home at that point. And then we had a couple of dogs who were very excited to see us and needed a walk right away. And I remember like coming in finishing the walk. At that point, I'm showered stuff is put away, the dogs are happy. You know, it's like two o'clock in the afternoon or something 230 In the afternoon at that point, I just sat down on the couch. Oh my gosh, I had that big breath. I took that sigh of relief. And I was like I'm done. Did this thing, you know, check for another year.

[29:17] The Empress Helps Us Honor All Shades of Self

So how does that relate to the Empress? When we talk about the idea of bearing witness to our own cycles. For me when I look at that experience, and when I tell the story on here, there was multiple cycles within these 26.2 miles that were ran that day.

And then if you tack on kind of what came before that, and what came after. There were so many shades of self that I witnessed when I was out on the course there were so many aspects of myself that popped out from the part of me that just wanted to be done. But that's a quieter voice. I'm a very determined person. So the louder part of me, I like to think of her as coach BethAnne is the one who's just like, I don't care. If you can't run, well just run, run bad, but just keep running.

I had the part of me that was the wise woman who was having these moments of like, oh my god, like, we're out here. And there's all these people. And they are from all walks of life. Some of them are from kawaii, a lot of them are from different countries, different states, there are people here of all age groups, there are different people here of all abilities.

And some of them are going to run this course, so fast and times that I can't even imagine the winner of the marathon itself, he was coming back at like mile, whatever it was 22, I think when I was crossing, like mile marker 13. And because it's an out and back at that point, and he came like roaring past me. And I thought, oh, my gosh, I just am like a little over halfway through. And he only has like four miles left. That's amazing. And then there was people when I was the one coming back, who were kind of still going out for the out and back.

And I was seeing them walking up the hill and sometimes jogging up the hill. And I knew they were going to have a really long day. And it didn't matter who you were, we all did the same course, I just think that's amazing. That's what I love about things like this, is that when it comes down to it, everybody's out there for their own reason.

They're out there at their own ability level, they're out there just doing their thing and being themselves for their own reasons with their own things that they want to get out of it. You know, I had moments out there where I thought about my husband, I'm so proud of him. He's such a fast runner.

And it's just amazing to me, because he finds this fire in him where he will just kick it up to this higher octane that I don't seem to possess as a runner. So I'm kind of in awe of it athletically how he does that. And he'll turn these times. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. You know, he got first in his age group again this year. And we have this collection of plates on the wall, from him getting first in his age group, because he's really good at what he does.

And I had just the sense of being connected and thinking of, you know, our relationship and the dogs back home and the cat back home, and how are the pets doing, and our life on the island and I went into sort of this family place. Every aspect of myself was out there on the course that day.

[32:29] Making The Every Day Sacred

That's the Empress, she bears witness to the full of our cycle, she is able to honor all aspects and all shades of self, she knows that they all hold value, that every single one of those has something to teach us about how to live, how to live better, how to live with more grace and acceptance for ourselves, how to live with more forgiveness for ourselves and more compassion for ourselves, how to see ourselves through a fuller gaze, everything about last weekend embody the Empress. Because it was all about creating an opportunity to see myself and to experience myself in a way that I really can't access otherwise.

And ultimately, that's why I'm still doing this. I'm kind of done with the days when I was younger, where I needed the accomplishment or I somehow wanted that sense of accomplishment. I really appreciate it now. But I've done enough of this to know that I can train it and do it. I'm out there for a different reason. Now. That's my rite of passage it is to connect with something deeper and myself, and to go and tunnel and spiral within a little bit deeper to dig inside of myself and find these hidden gems that I can't always get to in my day to day stream of consciousness.
 
Everything about that was the Empress. And I love that we don't have to run a marathon to find that in our lives. We can work with the ingredients that we have. We can work with whatever life stage we're at and say this is my rite of passage right now.
You don't have to do anything to create a moment within your own life to meet the Empress other than decide that you are going to make it ceremonial that you are going to call it sacred somehow. You might choose to bring something in to make it a little bit more special. You might choose to do something that feels more like a challenge or where you're traveling somewhere or you're doing something that's some kind of meditative work.

But the impersonal knows that it's not what we do. It's the intention that we put into something And when Our intention is about truly appreciating our cycle of growth when we do something each year that we live as a rite of passage every month is a small rite of passage there like these many rites of passage where we enter into a month and it's brand new and it's shiny.

And I always think, What possibility will September hold for us? How about October, November, December when we get to those? And then what will I have learned by the end of the month that grew me as an individual? What do I get to exit September, knowing that I didn't enter September, knowing what changed for me? What did I hope for to happen? And it didn't happen? And I'm disillusioned, or I'm sad, or I'm upset? What surprised me what was delightful? What am I looking forward to next? And how does that connect to the greater arc of what came before it and what came after it.

Seeing things from that whole perspective, is how we access that archetype in front of us in front of us inside of us. And I ultimately think that the Empress is about initiating us into a greater sense of wholeness and our own life. She is just as much about tapping into divine feminine qualities, like rocking our creativity and being grateful and seeing how abundant our lifes are.

The Empress encourages things like receptivity, connecting to nature, if you want to have a very unperceived sort of day, plan, something artistic or plan to go out in nature, you know, plan time to sit down in your journal and receive from yourself or do something where you like cook for a bunch of people, or you nurture people around you. And you use that nurturing energy to give to somebody else or to give to yourself, like we can do stuff with the emphasis energy.

[36:56] An Invitation to Greater Wholeness

But ultimately, I think the Empress says, an invitation to greater wholeness of being, and to seeing ourselves through this bigger gaze, where we really recognize how all these little moments add up. And they create the sacred picture of who we are. And so we can see the ecosystem of who we are through this greater lens. It was really interesting with marathon, I was excited about this year.

And there was a time that I was running, probably could have walked away from it, and almost did, I wasn't as interested and it really wasn't like suiting who I was growing into at the time to have to like put my body through the paces, and kind of train in a way that I, you really need to in order to run that distance and not hurt yourself.

And I didn't think that like running was for me anymore. And then or not running those distances, I thought, well, maybe I can hang up my running shoes on that and just, you know, kind of go to half or even not race at all, and just enjoy it. It is something that is important to our family, I actually met my husband at mile seven and a half of the Silver Falls Trail marathon in Silver Falls, Oregon and 2013.

So there's something about it like that. It's in the family DNA. But in my personal journey, I had gone through a time of being like, Is this even for me anymore? And I really came back to it in the last couple of years. And I was like, absolutely it is. And I really reinvented my relationship with it. And it means something different to me now than it did a decade ago when I first started really getting into it. And it means something a little bit more richer and a little bit more fuller.
 
So what was interesting is that the day before I did this race, I had a guidance session with the one of this this wonderful woman that I work with that does my intuitive readings.

And I phrased the question carefully. I didn't ask like, how am I going to feel in the marathon tomorrow? Because that's a stupid question to ask a psychic. You don't need to be psychic to say it's probably going to really hurt. You know, you're signing up for like being in the pain cave for a little bit of time and a little bit of a suffer fest.

But I think I asked what do I need to know to kind of like maximize my experience? And tomorrow? What kind of energy do you get from it. And one of the things that came through she said, I really see this as a purging from for you, not where you're throwing up on the course, which made me laugh. I've had that happen once years ago, when I was doing the Ironman and reached that that stage I was close to the end. That's not a good place to be at all. But just this like purging and unlearning, and you know, and then she said something that I found really intriguing.

She said, it almost feels like something about it, like changes you like that it does something where you almost feel like a different person at the end of it. So I took that with a grain of salt in the sense that these things tend to be true for us when somebody who's gifted intuition tells us these things, but how they translate can look differently than what we expect.

And so I've kind of learned as an intuitive somebody who not only gives readings but enjoys receiving them, that it's always best to detach an expectation and think, Well, this must mean that like I this happens, and to detach, like from some sense that it has to look a certain way and just stay open to Okay, well, that sounds like awesome energy to me. I've got stuff I want to purge, I've got stuff I want to shed, I'm happy to leave it behind. You know, during that rite of passage that I did last week, and I love the idea of having a sense of rebirth or having a sense of feeling changed.

And I really, it didn't quite happen, like the day of I was tired, I was satisfied. I was grateful. You know, I did do something I've never done before. And I hung up the first place plate in the kitchen, we had some metals, and I got a little plaque, because I was in my age group too. And I hung it all up. And I thought, wow, like, it's really cool that we're still doing this together, I kind of saw it with these different eyes that I've never really seen doing this before through.

And I woke up the next morning, and I have to tell you, I did I felt this transformation. And I really woke up looking at my life through this very different set of eyes. I've never had this happen before after a race. And I think this has to do a little bit with more with where I'm at spiritually right now. And also probably just where I'm at age wise, and where I'm at in my development and relationship with aging.

And I really saw this very sacred quality to everything I just had this immense gratitude that we could still go out, we were both healthy enough to go do the race, that we both felt good about what we did, I had this sense of kind of beautiful affection for the last decade or whatever it's been that my husband and I have been running races together.

And that's been such a big part of our family. I felt some other things shift as well, like righteous was like walking through my morning with greater gratitude, I really had this profound appreciation from the season that I just went through this last summer, and the experiences that happened, something about that, I'm really excited to sit down and write about some of those things.

[42:35] All Experiences Hold Value

I feel like I spent this last three months harvesting kind of growing crops. And then I harvested them over the last month as everything kind of came to fruition.
And now I get to make something out of it, I get to take all that and create new pieces of writing new podcasts and ideas to share with everybody. Maybe some new poems will come from that I get to take these experiences and be enriched by them and kind of see what I have, as we go into the fall cycle this fall in the northern hemisphere.

And as I move into a time in life that's slightly slower than some of the busyness of the summer. And I did I felt changed. And I'm still feeling into that. But it gave me something that I don't know if I could have access to it a different way. I'm really grateful I did it. And I think again, it's that idea that that's the Empress, she knows how to create from anything.

And she knows how to bring forth life and life giving qualities no matter where it is we're at no matter what we're doing. And that really brings me to the last point that I really wanted to talk about today and share in that is this idea that all experiences Hold Value. And when we can connect with the person side of ourselves, we're able to find the life giving values and experiences and anything that's happened. We are able to alchemize our circumstances our events are feeling states are different shades itself and create something new from them.

The Empress can help us take something that on the surface looks like a race, right? That's all it looks like. You know, it's an accomplishment and all that. But she took it and she helped me find something deeper in it that is so much more meaningful than a number or I did this thing. There's something about it that grew me as an individual. The Empress is the archetype who helps us take a season of loss in our life. And in that season of loss.

She helps us find patients when we are not able to connect with life because we need to understand and honor death and understand or understand and honor what we've just lost, she patiently will help us say, I know there's new life waiting on the other side of me for this, I'm not there yet. And I can't rush the process. I can't be in a summer cycle, when right now I'm going through the heart of winter, and everything's iced over.

But she will give us the knowledge that if we stay with ourselves, and we stay with what we're feeling that we will spring up, we will grow again into something new. And we will discover how to tap into that. And find out what that new life is holding for us when the time is right. The Empress is what helps us take a mundane week where we're like nothing special is happening right now I'm kind of bored with my life. I'm kind of restless with my process. Maybe everything's okay or adequate, but it's not super exciting. I wish something exciting was happening.

Like she can help us appreciate that. I call those just moments of becoming, because we spend as much time if not more, kind of tracking through the mundane every day, as we do having those moments where we feel really grateful or we feel like we're really going through intense transformation. A lot of life is composed of these very ordinary moments. And if we don't have eyes to look at it with, it's easy for those moments to bleed together. And to see nothing really interesting or special are great has happened.

And the Empress helps us look at an ordinary moment and find something extraordinary. She helps us say you know what, it's kind of beautiful right now how life has finally kind of found this routine for you.

And everything's a little bit dialed and you actually had to work hard to find that setpoint for yourself, she helps us see that we are growing even when it looks like we aren't growing, she helps us see that if we're bored and a routine, maybe she helps us see that the routine is giving us equilibrium. And it's allowing us to feel angsty, and to feel like I want something bigger to come through. It's allowing us to dream.

Sometimes we need things to feel kind of stuck or in a rut, in order to sharpen our dreams against that and find the motivation to step into a bigger version of self. Sometimes we need that contrast. She helps us find these tiny moments and little hidden gems and gifts that help us extract life and bring new life from a period of gestation, a period of decay, a period where things were composting. And I think that is so incredibly beautiful about her.

[47:50] Exodus: From Lamentations of The Sea

And I want to share another piece of writing that, oh, I put it hang on a second, I put it down on the floor a little bit far for me. All right. And this is from my book Lamentations of The Sea.

And it's a piece called Exodus, I'm going to read the start and the finish of it and kind of skip a little bit of the middle sections. It's a longer essay, and to drop you into when I wrote this because it is a personal reflection.

I wrote this in August of 2016. I lost my brother in January of 2016. And at this time in my life, I had really been going through this rite of passage through grief. And that summer, I started to come out from that place of death into a new space of life.

I spent my winter going through the heart of the pain, and really not being able to connect with Will anything ever feel bright again, I think I remember feeling like oh my gosh, it's like half my lungs have been ripped out half of me is gone and barely breathing right now. I don't know how I'm making it through. And I'm in this dark night of the soul. And I'm really angry at life because I've been through dark nights of the soul before I never saw this one coming. And I really started to emerge from the cocoon and start to connect with these new visions of life.

And this at this point in time, we had made the decision that we are moving to Hawaii by the summer of 2017. So I lived and experience my last summer and Alaska from June July into August with the knowledge that this was it. This was the last summer I read this as a reflection and August of 2016 Exodus:

It's pouring rain and the geese are making a racket outside probably discussing preparations for their annual Fall Exodus. It may only be late August, but the sunshine and blooms of June and July blinked.

And here we find ourselves in Alaska's rainy season, the cusp of summer into fall. We're there are claimed sense of cool and the breeze, the beginning turn in the leaves and a sun that is taking much longer to rise. Everything is changing myself along with it.

Part of me wants to flee with those geese and mass migration. After the claustrophobic grief of last winter, I cringe it thinking of plunging into another season of darkness. But a bigger part is ready to immerse myself in the change. Knowing the season will be different. It's our last winter here, a finality that makes everything seem more cherished and heightened. When you realize you will not experience these moments again. And it's the latter part who has spent her summer reveling in the change. contemplating how sacred and precious each and every day is.

We live life sometimes like we are waiting for something big to happen, waiting for the moments that make it all seem worth it. But lately, I am realizing that every moment is the moment that tells us it's all worth it. That life is a gift. And even on dreary gray days like today, it is a privilege to feel and breathe and be to embody what it means to be so human. It is the all of our experience, the full, that makes us who we are not just the big moments.
 
Having said that, there are big moments coming up our move to Kauai perhaps the biggest one of all, it has taken a great deal of courage to get to a place of recognition that if I want to ungroup myself from the deep ruts that feel like life and Anchorage, I am going to have to manifest that change and trust life to support me in the process. We often forget that life isn't happening to us that instead, we are in a relationship with life.

And as such life sometimes sits and waits, giving us free rein to make choices, preparing to meet us and work with us when and where those choices are made. The steps we take in our tomorrows created by the decisions we make in our today's though there is a great deal before us that feels daunting.

What felt impossible a year ago now feels realizable. The intentions and decisions we are laying down today paving the way for a new tomorrow. We are our own powerful agents of change when we let ourselves be.

In the meantime, the rain is falling, and I am cramming in all the Alaskan experiences I can. And we camped by  a waterfall last weekend absolute magic. And books are beginning to spin out to me when I have the time to leave. And I cried the other night when I realized that if I make it to 80 I will spend half of my life without my brother. And the full moon is beginning to wane. And the geese are still nattering and Exodus. And there are candles burning bright as I write warming, the chill that has come with this morn.

And it is a privilege to feel and breathe and be on this tired Tuesday to embody what it means to be so human.

And it is the all of our experience the full, that makes us who we are.

Well, that passage right there, to me embodies the Empress's energy.

[53:52] The Grace State

And as I said, I was in like this cusp of change. And something about wading through the trenches of death after Brent died. And really understanding what it meant for his human existence to no longer be here on this earth in the form that it was. I understand spiritually that life has gone on that he's gone on, I had a spiritual connection with him.

But just because I could feel him spiritually did not mean that there wasn't work to do to honor the cessation of who he'd been here. And in honoring that and understanding it and allowing myself to embrace the darkness that came from just facing death. It really helped me find my light and the light of possibility in my life. And it allowed me to move through so much of that summer and 2016 so much of moving to Hawaii in 2017.

It was almost like I was lifted up on this cloud of grace. This Grace state is how I think about it. And I saw everything through a higher perspective. I saw it through this perspective of realizing like you will never live these moments again. And sometimes it's like good riddance, I don't want to I don't ever want to feel those things. Again, I don't ever want to live what I live for mile 19 Through 25. Again, at least not anytime soon, that sucked last week, glad I'm not there anymore.

But I can appreciate it. I can appreciate the necessity, that that allowed me to hook up what came before and what came after, and that I needed to travel through that, in order to have that greater experience. And that's the grace state, that's the Empress, she takes us to a grace state of seeing life and everything. And seeing even a loss, new life will come.

Even in the gray days of our life, new light, and brightness is coming. Even in a dark night of the soul. We find our way through and we find growth in that. And we can appreciate that. And we can celebrate that. And when life gives us those moments where something magical happens. It makes it all the sweeter and all the more beautiful. And all the more empowering.

[56:12] Coming Up Next Week

Ah, well with that. I think we are going to wrap up today with those thoughts and I'm just going to let it be what it is. And moving ahead to next week. It will be you know I don't know what we're talking about next week. I didn't I didn't I have all these ideas written down. I haven't grounded it yet. So surprise episode. 

But I drop a new podcast every Thursday night it comes out on your heart magic.com And whatever podcast platform you're listening to it's released they're not long after. And so I will be back with something on Thursday night we have been moving from a every other week platform with the archetypes of the Tarot. 

So we're going to be talking about something else. Something having to do with spirituality, psychology, well being maybe the Akashic records, we'll have to see I'm going to let it alchemize this week and see what comes out of that. I'm really moving into a really beautiful space of reflection this weekend now that all the big stuff is over this summer. So I will see what inspiration comes through what to share with everybody. 

So new episode on something coming up next Thursday. In the meantime, enjoy the full of who you are and the fullness of your life right now, wherever you're at with that and see if you can connect with your Empress energy and find what is sacred, even in the seemingly ordinary. 

And with that, be well be love, be you and be magic