Intro/Outro Music: 0:13

Aloha and welcome to your Heart Magic, an illuminating space where psychology, spirituality and heart wisdom meet. Here's your host, dr Bethann Kapansky-Wright. Author, psychologist and spiritual educator.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 0:33

Aloha everybody, welcome to your Heart Magic. This is Dr Bethann Kapansky-Wright, and today we are talking about one of my personal favorite topics that is probably woven into almost every podcast episode. I do because I think this is so fundamental to being human and our human experience, and that is embracing change and finding perspective on change in our lives. And, as I said, I probably do at least a podcast episode a month on this topic and just try and give it a slightly different, creative title and also have a different perspective on it. But change is so universal, it's a universal law. We know that it is nature's way and that it is the way of being human.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 1:23

From the moment we enter the world until the moment we leave, things are forever changing and I've often thought right now that, with the world shifting as quickly as it is, many people feel like life is speeding up or things are happening at such a rapid pace right now, and I think some of that is a reflection of the vast amount of information and what we're able to access through the internet, which is quite a bit, and I think that there is a lot of transformation happening on the planet at this time. We certainly know that we are all here on the same journey and we are experiencing that transformation in our own ways, but it does feel like a lot is going on that feels like uncharted territory or feels unprecedented. So I think there's many reasons that many of us have a sense that things are happening at this rapid fire rate. I think for many of us we feel that life has gotten terribly complicated and we're yearning for something simpler and we can't process the sheer amount of changes and the sheer amount of information and transformative possibilities, fluctuating energy in the world around us. So a lot happening right now and for myself personally. I chose this topic because something I'm working on in August on the podcast is a little bit more vulnerability and transparency and trying to reflect on life right now and something going on that I might feel called to share and be a little bit more vulnerable or just authentic with what's happening in my own life and how am I working with that. What lessons am I extracting from that? And then also sharing some passages and perspectives that I'm personally using to help myself move through some of these things.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 3:23

So one of the reasons I chose change today is that tonight actually is the closing night of a musical that I choreographed this summer. It was Something Rotten and we are closing out our run tonight. It's the final show and I was thinking earlier today how bittersweet final shows always are for me, because they are a completion and a closure and a letting go and as a choreographer I always have this interesting experience that I have a sense of completion with my work. But usually once we get into the run and the show opens, I'm not able to be there every night and I don't always have that arc of being at every performance and seeing the growth and being a part of that process, step back and turning it over and knowing that from here on out I will be more of a participant in the audience and just appreciating the show itself. And so whenever we get to closing night, there's always these bittersweet feelings for me and I always have a sense of sadness.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 4:37

And it's really sudden change If you've ever been involved in the theater. Oftentimes you close the show and then you strike the set the same day, the same evening, and so it's like two hours earlier, the play, the stage, all of it could have been like a packed playhouse and the setting was there. So the moment the show's over, the set is immediately being torn down and taken apart, and so I've always found that so abrupt and strange. Torn down and taken apart, and so I've always found that so abrupt and strange and I feel like being in the theater. It's taught me a lot about embracing the change of a sudden ending or something where there doesn't feel like there's a drawn out process to it, but you're just ripping the bandaid off and then it's over. And I've learned that with that kind of change, when we have a sense that something ended and we might not have quite been ready or we didn't fully receive what we needed for a sense of psychological completion, I find it really helpful to do some journaling work and to take a little bit of time to write about what did this experience mean to me, what were perhaps favorite moments, what might I have not liked, or where might I want to grow next time.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 5:49

I might write down mundane moments, things that characterize the experience as a whole, and that really helps me find a sense of completion when something is over really quickly and I haven't quite caught up to the fact that it's ended, and that's the thing that a lot of us experience we haven't quite caught up with where events are or we haven't quite caught up with ourselves, and so doing that work of taking inventory, taking stock, reflecting, making meaning of it helps me feel like I was able to bring a sense of closure to the process and that allows me to feel more psychologically complete so I can continue to let go and be present and keep moving forward. So it's always important that if we are not able to get what we feel we need after something has shifted or ended, that we can go back and fill in the gaps ourself, and we do that through journaling. We might do that in therapy or do that if we're talking to somebody and we are able to process and talk more fully about our experience of something. But having that experience of closure, even if it's just through our imagination or our words or sharing our story with somebody, helps a lot when our brain wants to get stuck on something because it wasn't able to fully process it. So I think it's something that's really good to do for ourselves on a lot of levels. And then the other thing that was on my mind today with change that I thought that I would share, is something that's a little bit deeper and harder. I think the musical is something that happens every summer and it's change and there's always that bittersweet sadness to it. But it's also good because something amazing happened and it's okay to let it go and open up to whatever's next and to go through that void space of allowing creative projects to re-alchemize until the next thing comes along.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 7:53

But this one's bigger life change and in essence, we found out this past week that our older dog, frodo, has severe diabetes, which is getting treated and managed now. That's the good news. Diabetes which is getting treated and managed now that's the good news. But part of what happened with that is it impacted his eyesight with some rapid onset cataracts and that robbed him of a lot of his vision. And it's been kind of wild this summer where I remember saying to a friend it's like Frodo got old overnight. He's like the OG. He's been with me since 2013.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 8:26

And Frodo came into, I say, our lives, my husband's and I's but I had just lost my dog Peppy. A week later I met my husband at a marathon in Oregon and a week after that I was back in Alaska and decided to open my heart again to a new rescue pup, which was a lot of letting go and embracing change at the time. That's a whole other story. But Frodo came into the picture then and so he intersected with this huge time in my life of grief and loss and opening to new love and was this little ball of fluff who was always up for an adventure, and I didn't know it when I got him. I wanted a portable dog. I like small dogs because I like being able to bring them into my office back when I had a brick and mortar private practice. But he also had these giraffe legs on this teeny, tiny body.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 9:20

And what I discovered within just a couple of weeks of having him is that he was a brilliant runner and a brilliant hiker in the mountains of Alaska, and it didn't matter that he was just 10 pounds. He was born for running and an adventure. So it was this beautiful gift from life that he fit so seamlessly into many of the things that I did in my life and has been with us for a really long time and through a lot of life changes. And even though we've known he's getting older, he has seemed to defy us for a really long time and through a lot of life changes and even though we've known he's getting older, he has seemed to defy age for a long time and still hikes and walks fine and really hasn't had too many major issues. That felt like, wow, frodo's really aging, until this summer where we noticed a few things coming up. But then the eyesight thing happened within a matter of days and I noticed his eyes clouded up and it was like within a week's time I was like it's like he's gone blind. What is going on? Which is around the time we got him into the vet and found all this out.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 10:18

So I am staying just really neutral, sharing this with everybody, because dropping into my ocean of emotion and crying about it on the podcast does not make a good podcast. But I've had many moments this week of feeling personally devastated and really sad by all of this and having a lot of grief and a lot of feelings coming up. And then those are coupled with remembering like but I have to stay present and it's okay to grieve what was and to grieve the changes that this is meaning for our life, but at the same time that doesn't help anything. And so I also feel such a call right now to try and just work with embracing change and work with accepting it and work with staying really present and saying, well, this is where life is, this is what's happening right now, and going too far back into the past is not going to do any good with staying present and vital in the moment and being able to be present for Frodo and present for these changes and embrace them and figure out how do we reinvent things at this life stage and I am immensely grateful that he is still with us and that there's a way to manage this, even as we balance out this loss of vision and some of what it means and having to make some accommodations for having a very, very sweet and semi-blind dog in the household now who started running into a lot of things and, if we're not careful, smashes into the curb walking. So it's been a learning curve for the family this week and changes very much on my heart and being able to just stay open.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 12:03

And maybe a couple months ago I talked about the concept of mono-awari on the podcast. My understanding is that's a Japanese word that means sensitivity to the pathos of things, being really sensitive to life's transience and to change and having this very poignant sense of realizing it's always changing around us and being able to embrace that as a philosophy that there might always be for me a few drops of sadness when it comes to change, because it means things are different and something beautiful that once was has faded. But I think any drops of sadness are really diluted and also the gift of the present, and so many of the best things in my life have come from letting go of something, and oftentimes it's big letting go. Letting go of an ending, a closure, letting go of an old identity or how I saw myself, or an old way of thinking or an old value system that was no longer serving me. Letting go happens in so many forms and letting go is embracing change. They go hand in hand.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 13:13

When we find the courage to let go, we are opening our heart to what is and opening our heart to change and opening our heart to embracing the gifts of the present. And we choose to have faith in that process and say, even though I might not know what the gifts are, I know they're here. I know the light is still here. I know my heart magic, my spiritual connection, the gateway of my heart is still open. I know my heart can alchemize anything and it can use it and transform it in a way that helps me continue to evolve as my most authentic expression and to evolve in love.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 13:53

I want the wisdom and I want the richness of the moment, and the richness of the moment often isn't found if we get too stuck in grief over what no longer is. I say that very gently because grief and grieving is such an essential and normal and necessary part of life. But I do think there's times that we are able to shake ourselves off a little bit and say I can't stay here, I can't build a house of grief and sit in this little house and focus on what was and feel sorry for myself that things are no longer that way. I need to be present so that I can be a better me and be present for what's happening in my life and be present in my heart and be present for spiritually. What lessons I might learn from this. So there's gifts to be found there and I think it's an act of faith to embrace change, and I wanted to share a passage today about embracing change called Authenticity, grit and Light. From Small Pearls, big Wisdom. That speaks to this topic.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 15:00

Changes that keep you moving and the direction you feel you need to go often require hard choices and a bit of sacrifice. It may not be comfortable, but it does make you stand behind your choice and keep your feet solidly on your path. There is something transformative about owning your choice. If change was easy, if it didn't require letting go of something, if it didn't require acknowledging loss so you can move forward, it wouldn't be much of a change. You wouldn't find something new and better within yourself that will help you courageously stay your course. This requires a lot of digging deep, finding untapped courage within and learning that, even if someone isn't holding our hand and guiding us through the change, life is holding our hand. Life is cheering us on and helping line up our next steps, and really, what better partner to have than the ever-resilient, creative, resourceful force of life itself?

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 16:06

Each time we let go, each time we bravely forge forward on a new path, life supports us.

Dr. BethAnne Kapansky Wright : 16:14

We find unexpected allies in respite. We are gifted with synchronicities and signs that help us keep going. Blazing our trail becomes a little less daunting, for we see there is unexpected sanctuary and support along the way. We notice a more solid sense of belonging and strength within ourselves. We realize we are truly being our change, owning our choices and putting action to belief. The path forward may not be the easiest, but it is wrapped in untouched beauty, wild adventure and unparalleled authenticity, grit and light. Authenticity, grit and light that is what it's all about. Being true to ourselves, building those deep roots so we feel anchored when life's challenges come, and continuing to grow upward and allow for a greater evolution and self-expression so we keep reaching and growing in the light. Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. I will be back next week with an all-new your Heart Magic episode on psychology, spirituality, creativity and heart wisdom. Have an amazing week and, as always, be well, be loved, be you and be magic.

Intro/Outro Music: 17:43

You've been listening to your Heart Magic with dr bethan kapansky right tune in next week for a new episode to support and empower your light.